I remember when you told me you loved me.
We were watching the sun come up from the hood of your car,
And I was in your arms, and it was wonderful.
You turned to me and whispered those three sweet syllables,
And I knew I felt it but I couldn’t get the words out.
I knew what I felt, you knew it too.

You would say it a lot after that.
It’s like it happened one time after the other in my memory.
After a while though, the muster of those words being breathed into my hair had turned.
Less frequent, less feelings.
“Why don’t you say love me,” you would ask.
I couldn’t answer honestly because I thought I did love you
Then, suddenly everything turned into a fight.
The way I would talk with my friends, the looks I gave my lab partner, the way I reacted to you..

Four months, it has been four months since those words floated gently out of your mouth.
It has been 2 months since the look on your face turned from love to disgust.
The one month has resulted in the aching of my heart, the tears that came and left too fast, too constant.
The looks of pain lashed across my face every time I see you, an overwhelming feeling of longing consumed me.

Now, looking back, I know why I couldn’t speak the words you wanted me to say so badly.
I knew it wasn’t going to last. How can I love you with all that you put me through?
You made me feel like the sun was built for me, just to make the skies go gray.
You would make the wildest flowers grow in my cracked soul just to say they’re weeds.
You would kiss me to open me up just to tear me down.
How could you ask me if I loved you, when I thought you were my sun moon, and stars?

I loved you and you knew it but you played against me while we were on the same team.
Remember that time we were doing trust falls and you promised you wouldn’t let me fall then as I closed my eyes and leaned back you whispered “alone” and we both toppled backwards?
Why am I the only one that’s falling now..
I’m starting to forget the first time you told me that you loved me, but now the only thing I can remember is the last time.