With the pills I was beaming.
I was shining.
Still in pain
But I knew how to cope.

Without the pills I am crashing.
I am overcome with darkness.
So much pain
No way to forget it.

Where I smiled,
now I snarl.
Where I laughed,
now I weep.
The boom of confidence
Now replaced by a hiss of doubt.
The once hushed voice
Back to remind me of the violence.

How can I get back?
How can I be okay alone?
I'm too afraid to think about it.
Too afraid I won't save myself.