hi. my name is mia.
i’m 5 foot 7 and a half and i weigh 132 pounds.
i have blonde hair and blue eyes and i wear a lot of grey.
on my good days i’m great
but never quite as great as your average 18 year old
and on my bad days
on my bad days
i’m barely human at all
i’m a bloodless vessel with panic running through my veins
it’s not just your average anxiety
no i don’t have butterflies in my stomach
i have birds of prey flapping their wings against my throat.
on my bad days my heart races like it’s late for the train and
i swear i must be two hundred degrees
on my bad days my entire body convulses
like a demon is fighting it’s way out of every inch of me and honestly i wish it would
just to make all of this go away
on my bad days i pull on my hair and i pick at my skin
because my hands don’t know what to do with themselves
i spend my bad days on the bathroom floor hugging a toilet bowl and
thinking of any excuse to get myself to the hospital
i can’t open my mouth to speak but if i could then i wouldn’t be able to beside between
“please help me” and “go away”
it’s hart to tell if i’m sweating or if i just didn’t realize i was crying
on my bad days i’m 99% sure i’m dying
on my bad days i swallow a xanax with my pride
and the thought that i’m completely incapable of fixing myself
on my good days i’m great
but i still can’t shake that i won’t get better
and i can never have kids because they’ll just end up like me
but who could ever love someone like this anyway?
even on my good days i always seem to be complaining
and on my good days i still pick out my own traits in everyone that i hate
so i’m really never great. and there’s really no such thing as a good day
i only have not so bad days