supposed to apologize for all the times i've hurt you,
all the evil things i've said and done
over the five years we've not been together enough.
yet another thing we don't agree on, though -
what was wrong and what was right.
and politics, music, where and why to stay.
stuck in my gypsy ways and never been so stubborn.
clinging to my ideologies like the idols you see on sundays
while i watch football and hold rap church.
not sure what love is in the way you see it,
watched too many disney movies to believe in it.
some of my favorite things are make-believe
and sometimes i think you can't be mine
because you're too real.
i can feel your pulse in my hand and fall asleep to your heartbeat
as it slows from racing after chasing pleasure.
i can still smell you on my bed
and hear you in my head with those silly words.
i know in my heart and in my mind the only thing left
to do
is to let you go.
you don't fit in my plan -
the only plan i've felt confident and sane about -
but it kills me because you've always been my foundation -
my rock -
and this sand i dance on is shifty at best.
but you'll never be free enough to let go
and i'll never be carefree enough to not hear the regret.
i know we could do it,
you and me.
but the hurdles are greater than a few heartfelt and honest
words laced in breakdown.
but know that i'm sorry.
and that i miss you.