I think back to the few times we spent together and then I think back to how I glorified them
I created you as if you were the romantic interest in a rom-com
I made our story twist and turn, which made the dagger you stuck in me turn with it.
I created you as if you were my soulmate
as if I could feel what you were feeling from miles away
I created a story that had this false happy ending that someday, someway, we will end up together
Maybe walking down the streets of Manhattan we'd find each other or maybe in an old coffee shop while I'm working on my dissertation and you're on another tour
The last time we kissed I had this sudden realization.
You said to me, "what if you change your mind like you always do"
and I replied "It's been four years, I don't think I could"
We shared one last kiss and I couldn't feel the shape of your lips, I didn't crave your touch, I didn't want that moment to last forever
I felt that feeling I've had after kissing every other guy
this sense of nothingness that I thought only you could remedy
as I said those last words, I blew out the candles of our so-called love without realizing it
I saw this look in your eyes of fear, my brain started racing about why you would think I would lose interest in you
and then it clicked
you were worried because it was not you who I loved
I never loved you
I did, however, love the character I made you into
I loved the person I created
and when I realized you were not him...
Well, that's when it was all over.