I feel like a field of land mines are going off in my chest
like a poison has strategically been injected into my veins and my heart is struggling to beat
all I see are splotches of grey and black appearing on my lungs; an X-ray laced with bad news
a wash of thick and viscous sludge poured into and onto my body,
the struggle to push past the gunk
a pile of questions and answers and thoughts and concerns growing exponentially until I
ultimately
e x p l o d e from stress
I sit silently at this desk for a table and hear scattered conversations about dream kicking and the Super Bowl and acting like a zombie
but inside my head are bees creating so much noise I can feel it behind my eyes
and I am checking in with myself,
my outer body telling my inner mind
you are fine
who cares? it's better to sleep alone
who cares? you are working on this one piece
who cares? you can wear your hair however you want
but also I'm coaching myself to breathe, as if I've never learned
one  inhale one  exhale
two  inhale two exhale
three
clear it all
wipe it clean like discarding snow and ice from my mind's windshield
I have never wanted more than to think about nothing at all
to be clear and free of all thoughts
all this noise
whatever happened to silence?
white noise would be preferable at this moment
truthfully,
I would rather be floating in water
the sun shining past my closed eyes and shedding light into my brain
and I am just filled with this l i g h t n e s s that is completely inexplicable and yet so distinct at the same time
as if my outer body is floating beside me
brushing my hand with hers and saying
isn't this just wonderful?
you are f l o a t i n g between reality and fantasy
without a single care
isn't it wonderful?
and it is.