"you're lazy" his favorite two words he is reminded of them as I write this an grips his steering wheel "learn to use your hands" "all you do is woman's work" he likes those too "you're a throwback" I tell him I think to myself winning shouldn't feel this ***** he's losing hair now and he drinks every night I would hate to blame myself but who else? he still runs, so he hasn't given up on life my brother will be what he wanted- I hope