Reach to me anyway you can
Just say a word, just blink, or maybe hold my hand
If I close my eyes and breathe in, will I feel you next to me?
I want to feel you next to me.

Desperation during a break up. Because I was...
Always wanting, never accepting the love that was put in front of me
Complaining, sneering, grumpy
Analyzing faults, picking apart the insecurities of people while
Holding them close and loving them and being the best **** lover
Paranoia, nothing is ever satisfactory
The best **** lover.
I'm ******.

Tobi, wake up.
Leo, wake up.
Elliot, wake up.
Who the **** are you?
Confusion on who you are, where you are, what you are.
There is no gender identity disorder, but a disorder that makes me feel like
I was born into the wrong era, environment and world.

WAKE UP

I'm sorry's never travel long enough.
Perhaps hand written and sent with a stamp, would travel.
Neatly written, script font, seal the letter with a kiss and spray with your favorite perfume
The heavy sigh of "I didn't mean to hurt you", no spray can mask the guilt
Gulp
Own up to it.
You did it.
Now what?

Are you far away? I know you're close.
I've been drowning in a short empty sea of self loathing and self-deprecating *******
I could have made it up.
I could have made it up, to the top.

Waking up from a sleepless night, and not wanting to open my eyes.
Feeling a deep pain and regret within my chest as I take the first breaths of the day
No sunshine, no fresh air, only static within the sheets
Freezing cold
Always wondering, always wanting, never satisfied.

Where am I? Where are friends? What is a family? What is love again? Do I have a girlfriend?

It gets tiring after a while, to be this depressed
I don't want to die, I don't want to cut myself, I don't want a silly suicide note
Just listen to The Beatles "Help! I need somebody!"
Get up soldier, get in order. Chin up. Stop being a *******.

Relax, hold your head up. Keep going.
****
The first start is to say goodbye
and an eventual hello will come to you.