I’m awake—
Home alone at four in the mourning,
Sad and suffocating, seething with this broken, desperate feeling—
I’m wondering where this dying animal came from
And when it is that I might start breathing
Again—
I am in the ocean, which is beautiful,
But my working lungs lurch and bend,
I thought that my reserves of oxygen
Were safe with you, dear friend,
But you’ve gone and left me alone again…

This time for good,
So my body struggles for the surface,
Recycling used up breaths,
Never missing you, dear friend, any less,
Any less,
But mad at you for feeling like leaving,
Stealing my air, and then later feeding
Me full of impersonal pragmatics—
Stealing from my heart this rose-colored, washed out meaning
About whether you’d ever
Told me a single romantic truth—

Everything special and dear,
As I’d grown to fear,
Was over and done and your heart is no longer near
To mine.
You said it has died,
But I guess I missed the funeral.

I feel so used up and stagnant and empty.
This pain, it can’t be around;
I’m trying to swim to the surface, but
The current is shoving me down;
You left me alone in the dark and the cold and I’m afraid I’m not strong enough—
I’m afraid that I may drown.