I see her and I feel love in my gut.
Cutting into me, but only the feeling
Of cutting into me
I need proof of this pain.
My arms a clean slate with faint lines
I start by tracing those scars,
Remembering each reason.
Most a prayer to a god I don’t even know.
A god I never talked too much,
But now in my desperation
I’m suddenly calling to “Him” for answers.

Please God,
I search for help.
I look for the answers in my veins
Watching the blood bubble on my wrist.
I’m crazy.
To be gay is wrong,
They say, it’s a sin.
God, I’m begging you.
You made me this way with no mistake.
****** to Hell by your word
And now you’re silent.

I’m not finding answers in my wrist.
These lines of red don’t make sense to me.
I can’t read this message if you’re sending one to me.
I’m crazy.
Please God try to forgive me.
Show me a miracle or give me a sign.
Leave me with faith in you and an answer
To this madness it’s all starting to blur.
But that’s probably just the panic setting in.

Then I think of her.
The way her hair falls in fountains around her shoulders.
Her thick lips and big eyes the size of moons in the sky.
The lisp I can only hear when I see her speak.
And I see the blood dry in lines on my arm.
And I see the proof of the pain of my love for her.

But where’s God?
I prayed, I did what they say to do.
Cried and begged forgiveness time and time again,
And I still love her.

I guess I can’t change.
But it hurts when you can’t even be honest with your mother.
When you’re brother tells you that you’re going to Hell,
And you see the look in his eye and you can tell,
He means it and it makes him sad.

But I can’t help that
When I see her I feel love in my gut
Cutting into me, but only the feeling
Of cutting into me.
Only this time I don’t need proof of this pain.
Because this time there’s already
Blood dripping from my wrists,
And pain dripping from my lips.
And love every time we kiss,
And I hold faith in my fists.