There were many questions that swirled around my mind,
And my mind almost always seemed to drift to these riddles every night before I fell asleep.
They were questions that were always left unanswered,
Always left floating midair and in between space and reality.
One was whether or not I wanted to grow up,
The other was if I still loved him,
Another was if I could ever come into terms with the idea of moving on and loving someone else.
I never liked moving on from the past,
And I always seemed to move backwards in my memory,
Replaying all the recorded scenes of life when I was two years old.
I paused and rewinded, paused and rewinded, paused and rewinded —
As if that would help time slow down and stick to the better half of my life.
Well, that wasn’t the case and the world seemed to have a mind of her own.
She played the tape and fast forwarded into the future,
Never once letting me have a second to pause and take a breather.
He moved on like a natural disaster,
A beautiful creation made by Mother Earth herself,
And he was too engrossed in his own superiority that he forgot to take my hand and lead me to safety.
I loved him in many ways and more than my toes and fingers combined.
He was a beautiful creature,
Almost ethereal to the point that I was too afraid to reach out and grasp him.
I loved him in a way more intimate than a mother loving her child,
Someone who sacrifices everything for her loved one’s happiness and to protect him from seeing the dangers of the world.
I loved him more than a mother carrying her unborn child in her womb,
A baby soon to be born into the unknown and into a life full of endless questions that can never be answered.
I loved him more than a barren woman who craved only to hold her own blood in her hands but never seeming to get what she wanted.
I loved him more than anything,
And yet he always found a way to leave before I could even utter the three words, the three syllables, that have become so accustomed to sitting on my lips.