Jan 2014
There were many questions that swirled around my mind,
And my mind almost always seemed to drift to these riddles every night before I fell asleep.
They were questions that were always left unanswered,
Always left floating midair and in between space and reality.
One was whether or not I wanted to grow up,
The other was if I still loved him,
Another was if I could ever come into terms with the idea of moving on and loving someone else.
I never liked moving on from the past,
And I always seemed to move backwards in my memory,
Replaying all the recorded scenes of life when I was two years old.
I paused and rewinded, paused and rewinded, paused and rewinded —
As if that would help time slow down and stick to the better half of my life.
Well, that wasn’t the case and the world seemed to have a mind of her own.
She played the tape and fast forwarded into the future,
Never once letting me have a second to pause and take a breather.
He moved on like a natural disaster,
A beautiful creation made by Mother Earth herself,
And he was too engrossed in his own superiority that he forgot to take my hand and lead me to safety.
I loved him in many ways and more than my toes and fingers combined.
He was a beautiful creature,
Almost ethereal to the point that I was too afraid to reach out and grasp him.
I loved him in a way more intimate than a mother loving her child,
Someone who sacrifices everything for her loved one’s happiness and to protect him from seeing the dangers of the world.
I loved him more than a mother carrying her unborn child in her womb,
A baby soon to be born into the unknown and into a life full of endless questions that can never be answered.
I loved him more than a barren woman who craved only to hold her own blood in her hands but never seeming to get what she wanted.
I loved him more than anything,
And yet he always found a way to leave before I could even utter the three words, the three syllables, that have become so accustomed to sitting on my lips.
And my mind almost always seemed to drift to these riddles every night before I fell asleep.
They were questions that were always left unanswered,
Always left floating midair and in between space and reality.
One was whether or not I wanted to grow up,
The other was if I still loved him,
Another was if I could ever come into terms with the idea of moving on and loving someone else.
I never liked moving on from the past,
And I always seemed to move backwards in my memory,
Replaying all the recorded scenes of life when I was two years old.
I paused and rewinded, paused and rewinded, paused and rewinded —
As if that would help time slow down and stick to the better half of my life.
Well, that wasn’t the case and the world seemed to have a mind of her own.
She played the tape and fast forwarded into the future,
Never once letting me have a second to pause and take a breather.
He moved on like a natural disaster,
A beautiful creation made by Mother Earth herself,
And he was too engrossed in his own superiority that he forgot to take my hand and lead me to safety.
I loved him in many ways and more than my toes and fingers combined.
He was a beautiful creature,
Almost ethereal to the point that I was too afraid to reach out and grasp him.
I loved him in a way more intimate than a mother loving her child,
Someone who sacrifices everything for her loved one’s happiness and to protect him from seeing the dangers of the world.
I loved him more than a mother carrying her unborn child in her womb,
A baby soon to be born into the unknown and into a life full of endless questions that can never be answered.
I loved him more than a barren woman who craved only to hold her own blood in her hands but never seeming to get what she wanted.
I loved him more than anything,
And yet he always found a way to leave before I could even utter the three words, the three syllables, that have become so accustomed to sitting on my lips.
