I would have been our one year anniversary today.
A whole year with a perfect person. You made my ribs burst with pride as we walked down the streets together, you held my hand so tightly, your love burned through my skin. I’m so lost in this ocean of ******* stars. I thought they’d be so bright and so alive and now I’m here I can barely make out any light from the remains of the broken dreams from those before us. The stars burnt out long ago, did you know that? The vessels we worshipped and wished upon gave up on us billions of years ago. We had no chance. No one ever has a chance and its not fair, it's like getting your favourite ice cream from one of those awful trucks and dropping it on the floor. Its as good as dead, we can’t control what happens to us. Why can’t I accept that? Whoever made me, wrote into my cells that I’d be a **** up. I’m programmed this way and I need accept that. I can’t. I keep thinking I’m worth loving but I get knocked down by the sight of your name. I don’t want anyone else, I want you and I can’t have you. I’m sorry you don’t understand but I’m trying my best to make you happy. I keep smelling you for gods sake. I can’t get you out of my head and especially when I stand on the side of my bed. The many times you I sat on your knee and we kissed, little fairy kisses tingling on our lips. The red lights from the fairy lights around my door creating some kind of colour that was special and only for us. I miss those lights, they don’t shine specially any more and its sad. I still have your jumper draped over the back of my door, I keep imagining our love dripping off of it. Drop by drop you’re realising you can do better and you can live happier without me. You are so naive and ignorant and I just want you to be okay. You need to move on without me like everyone else. I’m going days without speaking to you, one word to you and the hope for ‘us’ will bloom again. I can’t let that happen.
I love you, but I wish I’d never introduced myself that day.