I am shaking.
Not of fear.
Or of pain.
But of something deeper.
Something that has taken root
here inside of me.
Others can barely see it.
But I see it in the mirror.
Behind my eyes it sleeps.
It stays there all the time,
eating at me.
Biting at my worth,
my memories,
my life.
And there is nothing I can do to **** it.
Oh but it gives me ideas.
"Cut just another slit and I'll leave."
"Fast for two more days,
then binge and purge. Then I'll go."
"One more sip of *****,
and I won't come back."
"Down twenty pills,
then you get to leave me."
One day I will learn not to listen.
But for today,
I will let it consume me.
Maybe if I don't learn,
it will swallow me.
Not whole though.
Because at that point,
I will be tiny bite sized pieces.
And when it finishes me off,
it will go for those who mourn.
As I lay in a casket,
it will seep into my loved ones.
And it continues to feed.
Until either it has you,
eating you.

Or you're dead.