We’re on the cusp of adulthood and it hurts to think it all through
I feel like I just buzzed down a long narrow highway for an eternity of lifetimes in a rusty old car that I can’t figure out my feelings for.
And now I’m standing at the edge of a rocky canyon, looking down.
And holy s* I'm scared.

People keep telling me I’m a bird
But sometimes I doubt if I actually managed to grow all the feathers that are required
And oh god.
The feathers in my pillows are always whispering what-ifs about that cliff
And it makes it hard to sleep
What if… when my time here on the edge runs out… I’m not ready?
What if I can’t handle that steep free fall?

I keep getting taller
And sometimes I feel emotionally superior to other people my age.
...Until I get here.
And I’m clasped by the cold grip of fear I never imagined I'd feel.

I thought I'd run off that cliff.
I thought I'd scream through a wide open, teeth framed smile
..and jump.
But there’s so much I don’t think I understand just yet.

Theres doubt in my chest.
There’s fear in the ***** of my shoulders.
I'm constantly feeling the elephant-sized weight
Of all the decisions that could go wrong
Of all the things I can and can't control.
And sometimes I really question how much I can or should trust.

Myself. That is.