when we met, I was a walking corpse,
her lipstick like a mark on a map I couldn't see,
and our cigarette smoke clogged my throat,
but I figured it was better than tears
her body, another wall to drive myself into
just so I could never be clearheaded enough to remember you
but you were in every awkward silence, every insincere smile
so then, I shut my eyes and plunged in head first

and I did not resurface
for the longest time.