I have no tools
where are my tools
I need them now

But now I remember
I threw them away last month
when I told myself I didn't need them anymore
when I said to myself that it didn't matter anymore
that the white lines that lie on my hips and drew blood when I opened them
didn't matter
anymore

But they do
they matter now
and I need my tools back
I need my hand shaking when I flip open the sharp end
I need the colour red to neutralize the blue in my eyes
I need them back again
more than I did last month