Sometimes* I have bad days
When red suddenly becomes my favorite color
And I want to take revenge on everyone
By hurting myself.
Then I get even angrier  
Because I can't even do that properly
I was always a coward.
These nights I feel so guilty
and regretful
I contain all these unnecessary feelings
That I cannot even write a decent poem with
I think life is just testing me
Just little obstacles
Like jerky boys
and math
But more of math.
I have convinced myself I won't be pretty
until my mid-twenties
Surely, I can wait  
I have never had lower back pain like this
Nor have I ever been so fond of red
Maybe this satisfies me
As I lay useless on my bed listening to
"You know I'm No Good"   by  a
woman who died of drugs
or something like that
I question what has become of this alternative living