*This shade of white is making me rather cold and now I feel numb.
Only the gray can make me warm again. It makes me comfortably empty. So let the clouds in the early dawn travel time and watch me hopelessly fantasize about this future in which although it is mine, I cannot see myself.
How can this be true? I was only alive yesterday! But, ah, you see those were yesterday’s feelings.
I feel different today. Getting more used to and consociated to this black abyss which I was senselessly sucked into the other day. And although your brick walls were held up so high, mine was never built and instead I hide myself in the thick fog that crept into my open soul one night while I was sleeping; I woke up and I swear I couldn’t find myself. I was already hidden so well, the lost girl who was a coward and so stupidly took shelter in something that could never protect her.
No, the world doesn’t protect people nor lost souls. It will only hunt you down and torment you until it is sure that you no longer breathe life, but cold air. But I guess that was my fault for not building up your brick walls.
And in that moment, as it happened, everything that I had ever dreamed of mercilessly divided and shattered like all the stars in the sky for someone else to find.
The only difference was from then on I wasn’t cold or bitter or emotionless or blank like everyone thought would happen if I got depressed.
It and I, was only nothing.
The latest victim of the world.
Yet, I felt so soft, like the curve of a swan’s neck.
So infinitely impossible.
So therefore, I wish I could tell you, but this shade of white is making me rather cold and now I feel numb.*