I carved a hole for you inside of myself
Making a space where you fit perfectly
I didn't even realize I was carving it
Day by day
I etched your space inside of me
Not realizing the void I was making
only knowing it's where you belong
...belonged...
It's a cozy nook
nestled in places I'd forgotten I had
a corner you will never be able to fill
aren't allowed to fill
I carved a hole inside of myself
and now I'm standing, gasping
holding the shavings of my insides
remainders I so gladly discarded
I try putting them back
try plugging the leak to stem the tide of emotions
but it's no use
they won't fit anymore
Nothing will fit anymore
The throbbing ache reminds me of mistakes
terrible mistakes, amazing mistakes
Mistake isn't the right word
I can't call those choices anything but missteps I wanted to take
wanted so badly to take
I pass you, see you, sense you
You haven't gotten any less intoxicating
My head is flooded with once tantalizing daydreams
swimming in sweet regrets, fractured futures, empty longings
come on in
the water's fine
You haven't gotten any less magnetic
I don't know yet how to live with this chasm I made
I hadn't meant to make you so much space
I inhale
the wind whistling through the jagged edges
of a hole I can't fill
At least now I have more air