Dear, all other men who use public restrooms.

Why is it, that every time I go to use a stall in a public toilet
there is **** on the seat? Lets set aside the fact that there are urinals
on most every wall for those of you who only need to take a quick
leak and would like to do so in the upright position.
Let us also set aside the question of why you did not bother to
lift the seat into the upright position.

Let us instead talk about aim, now I am a man myself so
I can see this issue clearly.  Unlike a vast majority of you guys,
I don't think I have ever watched a full game of football, and
I am confident I could sleep through the entire baseball season
without batting an eye or asking the score.

Surprisingly, this does not hinder my aim
it is steady and true. Would a bullseye
at the bottom help the rest of you?

Now there are times, I know, that are more difficult
maybe you're drunk, or tired, or just having an off day
and you happen to miss. In these cases there is a simple
saying "If you sprinkle when you ****** please,
be neat and wipe the seat". The saying is juvenile
the meaning is not. For those of you who are now confused

There is this nifty paper keep on easily accessible dispensers
inside every public restroom. It usually even has perforated
edges, in order to help you tear it Hercules. Woman use it
always and you do too, when you ****, I hope. So now is the time
to grab a *** of that stuff and wipe away your insecurities,
for the rest of us.

Sincerely, a Fellow Man