I sit here
unaware that the tapping of
the yellow pencil in my
right hand is disturbing my neighbor.

I used to call him every saturday morning.

As I try not to fall asleep again
during first period,
I think about him,
about what I would take back
if I could.

I'd take back that look of sincerity,
because I wasn't.
I'd take back all of those
hours we shared in Central Park.
Not because I want to erase him.
I just want to
erase who I was.

A girl with
a reality that had been
soaked in arrogance.
Someone who didn't know
when or why
to say no.

I should have
said no to him.

I loved that he loved me.
Not because it was
him who loved me
but
because it was
someone new.
Maybe if I tried hard enough
I could have loved him back or
at least pretended to.

I don't think that
any amount of trying
would have made me
change my mind.

I can't stand people
who get mad at p(r)etty things.