You say I don’t appreciate,
I need to meditate,
stop,
don’t drop.
“I need you”
“You’re beautiful, Bea.”
Am I?
“Don’t leave me.”
I wouldn’t dream of it,
but I need to,
you’re killing me.
“Mother know's best.”
Do you?
“You’re just like him, a washed up *** head.”
I just need an escape.
Don’t you see?
I’m scared.
“Everything’s okay”
I know it’s not, but I will keep pretending, because that’s all you know.
“The pills will just make you more ugly.”
I am no longer beautiful.
“You only want the easy way out, to be high.”
You’re right,
I do want to be high.
High enough so your words don’t register and you kick me out of the house instead of me choosing to leave on my own.
High enough so you leave me alone.
High enough so you hug me in desperation for me to stay one more night.
High enough so I see him again in my delusions.
I think you may have scared him off with the sound of your sobs.
It’s not my fault he’s gone.
“You create the world around you.”
Remember?