fear sinks in and I start to smile
its cold embrace more familiar than my own skin
my trust in it unbreakable,
it knows my thoughts,
IS my thoughts,
not all of them,
just the ones about you
afraid of admitting the truth,
that I spend everyday lying to myself because I'm afraid of the pain of the truth
The truth that when you say that maybe you like me I scream at myself for loving you
for letting myself FEEL something
emotions a the blade I use to sever my heart
not knowing how sharp
but the second those emotions build up
an old friend comes by to remind me to lie
lie to my self
I have no feelings
I can't let my self love you
it's not real
I can't let it be
you only like me because you gave up on everyone else
that has to be it
how long before you give up on me?
you gave her four months
you'll only give me three
If I continue to push as hard as I am
to keep you out
To keep my sanity
it falters at every turn
every time your name drips from the lips of my best friend
It's childish, I know, to think every time that I had you first
you should be mine
because if you're not you've been stolen
you pour from her and the rain falls to me
A storm reminding me that if I had just kept you a secret she wouldn't have you
I would,
I run from the storm
hide beneath a blanket of fear
staying warm
safe
nothing can harm me hiding here
nothing to hurt me but myself
with the lies I tell myself just to stay away
yet I know that I love you
It makes me feel stupid
I love you
you might like me
the thought kills me but I can't let it go
I cling to it
but tell myself it isn't true
if you don't love me
I can't let myself love you
Even if I know I do.