Why do I feel nothing inside except a swelling?

The swelling of my thumping heart, the swelling and contraction of my lungs as I attempt to steady the breathing that could either enslave me or, again, save me from his temperamental turns, and the swelling of my stomach - punished again in a cruel 'twist' of fate that has, in reality, turned out not to be so much a twist, but a vile habit.

Isn't it an awful thing when you know exactly what the problem is and exactly how to fix it, but matters out of your hands mean that you will not be able to save yourself for the foreseeable future?

Perhaps, in the knowledge that you are a lost cause, you may jump, for a person with nothing to lose surely has nothing to fear.

Jump from where, though? That is is the question. To jump from a height may be foolish, but to jump from ground-level is absurd.

"Listen to me.
You can see nothing from where I am standing.
I am in the hills, beyond your visibility.
It strikes me that I may be able to see more than you ever will.
I straddle the past, present and future, and any other dimension of time that exists beyond your perception. Understand that you need not understand. Place your trust in my words; my wisdom, because I can see. I can see it all.

You are man, designed simply to live in reality, not in the acknowledgement of the complexities that lie beyond your existence."