Today I learnt that my thoughts of
Independence
Intimidate your                   balance –

And I’m so intimidated by
This life of utter indulgence
I’m not looking to identify
With the patterns of trying to bury
A love for decadence
All I ask is to run along and not say too much
Within this hallucination of tripping on my insides
I like it dry.

I want you to crack your perfect skin.
Spill the thick of this fume into your rigid eyes.

I like it slow.
A repulsive movement in the semblance of a beating heart –
I want your ghost – this ******* - -
bright hollow deafening and certain

You say I’m     faking --
These shivers in my perfect spine
Faking the warmth beneath my belief
Of convoluted doors where your accidents
Fight for gold medals and blue ribbons.
But I’m not doing this anymore –

I’m a fever, frivolous and perhaps a little hasty

Turned on inside of sickening layers of mousse
And moods – and halos taking my hands
Asking if maybe I should just pray?