How do you tell yourself to stop? How do you ask yourself to end it? How do you let yourself believe that it’s really over? Do you wait for weeks, months, years, before you finally believe it? Or do you just wake up and find yourself not wanting him anymore?

I woke up to find you gone. Not physically, you were physically gone ages ago. But the day I woke up, your memory is gone. I woke up and for a while I just lay there, not thinking. Everyday, for two years, I woke up with the thought of you. First thing in the morning. At first it made me want to get out of bed because it meant seeing you. And then it made me feel afraid because we were on the brink of it all. And at last, when you left, it made shiver with cold pain and nostalgia because the thought comes with a dreadful feeling of your absence.

But that day I woke up not thinking about you. I woke up feeling nothing. So did it stop that day? Did it finally end? Is it really over? Would it come back after weeks, months, years? Or will I wake up tomorrow and the day after that and the day after and so on, finally free from you?

If it was “us,” how come I’m the only one in pain?