A heaviness that had been building up for years,
A heaviness of pain and suffering and tears.
Once on my path I got lead astray,
And soon my demons were leading the way.
That’s when the clouds came over the sun,
That’s when the walk became a run.
Moments turned to memories turned to anchors in my soul,
How can something be broken if it had never even been whole.
Guilt and shame were planted inside,
And soon from death I had to hide.

Life became a game that I didn’t want to play,
There’s no winners only losers and I had no desire to stay.
Things were taken that I could never get back,
My sanity, once sane was beginning to lack.
I hated God, the world, but myself the most,
I was no longer a person, I had become a ghost.
A ghost not dead is sad to be said,
But I yearned Death’s kiss to cut his last thread.
Years passed hanging on like this—all day all night,
I grew too tired—too weak and gave up the fight.
I gave up on myself, and all that I loved,
And in my desperation I prayed to above.
An above that I wasn’t sure was even there—
An above that I wasn’t sure even cared.
Contemplation turned to temptation until I couldn’t still stand,
The decision I made was to take Death’s hand.
I was so close to peace with the near end in sight,
But somehow—somewhere—I saw a faint light.
So torn between overlooking or inspecting this peculiar hope,
A strong feeling gripped me and I untied the rope.

I sit alone in a church staring up at the cross,
I stare and stare and stare until I get lost.
Who is this man that they say is our savior?
Because for the past ten years all I’ve done is live in fear.
Why didn’t you save me—please what did I do?
What kind of God gives someone nothing to look forward to?
My throat tightens as every beautiful painful memory crosses my mind
So confused with anger and blame that wrap my heart in vines.

Then with a quiet whisper came down the dying dam
That had been holding back secrets to who I truly am.
And with those words I was liberated like never before,
With those words, for Him, I opened my door.

I sit all alone in a great hollow room,
Yet I’ve never felt more apart of anyone’s doom.
The hate for myself had flown away—
the guilt and the shame were cast away.
Acceptance a word too easily said
Finally found it’s true meaning instead.  
And now the words stained upon my heart with a beautiful view,
Have become the echoes to my pain with a whisper;
He has forgiven you.