Jan 2014
With you, I race through underbrush, running from warnings that you only contradict with kisses up my thigh and phrases like "it's different with you"
With you, I stare at the North Star, looking up for something I can't see but feel lying next to me, holding my hand and whispering false hope in my ear. Telling me to look just a little bit harder.
With you, I listen for a heartbeat from a heart that has already gone still, and only hear your blood freeze over from our Minnesotan winter. I wonder how you managed to convince me that you keep me warm through the cold nights.
With you, I have ventured through my own train of thought and discovered that you persuaded me to give more of myself after I've bled myself dry for you.
With you, I have lost myself, I neglected my beliefs somewhere along your collarbones as I allowed you not only to **** me, but to change me into something I wasn't for your own peace of mind.
With you, I have abandoned my words, left them banging on your eardrums and teasing your lips into a pity smile. Thinking they would make the difference, that, maybe, if I wrote you poems about the sun shining through your soul that it wouldn't burn my skin anymore.
With you, I felt alive, when really all I was feeling was the slow satisfaction of dying the way I wanted to. The way I chose to. You may choose your poison, but has your poison, in fact, always known what you were to decide?
With you, I believed in love, as if it could save me from the world. As if you could save me. But you took that love and you redefined it with anger and control.
With you, I didn't believe in my love of words, that I use now, to tell you that I believe again. I believe that you wronged me out of spite for past lovers that took your heart and drowned it in one of ten thousand lakes. I believe that love is kissing in high and low places and always stopping to smell the roses, but love is not throwing shoes on the porch or blaming each other for our own acts of selfishness. Love is not the only thing to live for.
With you, love was my drug of choice and a slow walk through the cemetery, but now love is my sky and you are just another lost soul eventually to be buried 6 feet under.
With you, I stare at the North Star, looking up for something I can't see but feel lying next to me, holding my hand and whispering false hope in my ear. Telling me to look just a little bit harder.
With you, I listen for a heartbeat from a heart that has already gone still, and only hear your blood freeze over from our Minnesotan winter. I wonder how you managed to convince me that you keep me warm through the cold nights.
With you, I have ventured through my own train of thought and discovered that you persuaded me to give more of myself after I've bled myself dry for you.
With you, I have lost myself, I neglected my beliefs somewhere along your collarbones as I allowed you not only to **** me, but to change me into something I wasn't for your own peace of mind.
With you, I have abandoned my words, left them banging on your eardrums and teasing your lips into a pity smile. Thinking they would make the difference, that, maybe, if I wrote you poems about the sun shining through your soul that it wouldn't burn my skin anymore.
With you, I felt alive, when really all I was feeling was the slow satisfaction of dying the way I wanted to. The way I chose to. You may choose your poison, but has your poison, in fact, always known what you were to decide?
With you, I believed in love, as if it could save me from the world. As if you could save me. But you took that love and you redefined it with anger and control.
With you, I didn't believe in my love of words, that I use now, to tell you that I believe again. I believe that you wronged me out of spite for past lovers that took your heart and drowned it in one of ten thousand lakes. I believe that love is kissing in high and low places and always stopping to smell the roses, but love is not throwing shoes on the porch or blaming each other for our own acts of selfishness. Love is not the only thing to live for.
With you, love was my drug of choice and a slow walk through the cemetery, but now love is my sky and you are just another lost soul eventually to be buried 6 feet under.
