when i first saw you, i thanked god silently.

i spent days thinking of ways i could talk to you, what i would say to you, and they all started with “hello” and also ended with “hello” because every time i tried to think i would see your face again in my head, like when you look at the sun and you’re blinded for a second or a hundred and all you can see is light. i wanted to know you, know you know you, and i wanted to know how your voice sounds in the morning and how your hands feel when they’re around my waist and what your favourite colour is and i wanted you to know that i’d fallen for you and i did not want to get back up again. i wanted to kiss you so hard you forget the name of all your past girlfriends and pull you close when you stir in the middle of the night and drink the warmth in your eyes. they write songs about this kind of love, y’know? the kind nobody wants because it takes over your life, ruins you? but i was honoured to be in love with you, i let it take over my life. we talked and it was nice and i was far from eloquent, but i found words. i loved you, but you would never love me, and i’m sorry, i’m so sorry