Jan 2014
Sometimes in the darkness when I'm doing my nightly cries
I think about that day
that you passed away
and then I'm saddened because I can't recall our last words
and then I'm saddened even more because no one's ever told me yours.
I often shed the most tears
because you were the main person supporting me through all these years
constantly asking me and wanting to know about school
I smile, then I think..I don't remember the last time I told you I loved you.
I was once told that the only way out is through
but I don't know how to get myself to stop missing you.
every reminder of your presence brings on a memory and every memory brings out the tears
but I'm ready to switch gears
almost a year later and it still hurts and I'm not sure how to feel
my soul is torn and I'm not sure how to heal
you were apart of me and you will always will be
I always imagine that moment when dad told you "her name is gonna be Ciarra Renee, the middle one like yours see"
when I fill out forms or have to say my middle name
I'm constantly reminded that you're probably the reason I'm a little bit insane
and also that you are an inspiration to me & didn't die in vain
all these things because of you, I was blessed enough to gain
I wish I could've repaid you
or express to you how much I appreciate you
God or someone must really love me, to give you to us for a whole 6 decades..
and no matter how long you're gone, your memory will never fade.
tears in my eyes as I write this, I wonder how proud you would be of my grades
I hope you all hear the strength I'm my voice, when I say
that sometimes I'm not okay, and that's okay
because,
I miss your warmth, more than a baby misses it's mothers..like a niece misses her favorite aunts
to have you back I would put aside my desires and my wants
but as the universe loves to remind me every birthday holiday or live event, you're not
so before i repress my
Feelings and tell myself to stop
I want you to know if you're out there that I love you more than the sea loves to kiss the shorline
and that to me you did not die
*but just became a greater part of me.
I think about that day
that you passed away
and then I'm saddened because I can't recall our last words
and then I'm saddened even more because no one's ever told me yours.
I often shed the most tears
because you were the main person supporting me through all these years
constantly asking me and wanting to know about school
I smile, then I think..I don't remember the last time I told you I loved you.
I was once told that the only way out is through
but I don't know how to get myself to stop missing you.
every reminder of your presence brings on a memory and every memory brings out the tears
but I'm ready to switch gears
almost a year later and it still hurts and I'm not sure how to feel
my soul is torn and I'm not sure how to heal
you were apart of me and you will always will be
I always imagine that moment when dad told you "her name is gonna be Ciarra Renee, the middle one like yours see"
when I fill out forms or have to say my middle name
I'm constantly reminded that you're probably the reason I'm a little bit insane
and also that you are an inspiration to me & didn't die in vain
all these things because of you, I was blessed enough to gain
I wish I could've repaid you
or express to you how much I appreciate you
God or someone must really love me, to give you to us for a whole 6 decades..
and no matter how long you're gone, your memory will never fade.
tears in my eyes as I write this, I wonder how proud you would be of my grades
I hope you all hear the strength I'm my voice, when I say
that sometimes I'm not okay, and that's okay
because,
I miss your warmth, more than a baby misses it's mothers..like a niece misses her favorite aunts
to have you back I would put aside my desires and my wants
but as the universe loves to remind me every birthday holiday or live event, you're not
so before i repress my
Feelings and tell myself to stop
I want you to know if you're out there that I love you more than the sea loves to kiss the shorline
and that to me you did not die
*but just became a greater part of me.
