He's one of my bestfriends,
And has been for years.
I love him to death,
He's like my brother.
Tonight I think I broke my brothers heart.
He said,
"*****, I'll cut you."
Jokingly,
A light-hearted conversation we had going there.
I responded with,
"Why would you cut me? Don't you think I do enough of that myself?"
After I had sent the message I wanted to take it back,
But I couldn't.
He sat there for 10 minutes without replying,
And then finally said,
"I thought you had stopped doing that..."
I had stopped,
For a while,
But I keep relapsing.
I tried to explain how I was trying to stop,
That it was just hard,
And these things took time.
He called me up,
And was crying.
He said,
"Please dont die."
I asked him what he was talking about.
I told him to calm down.
He responded with,
"How can I calm down,
At a moment like this?
How can I stop crying when my big sister,
A girl I love to death,
Hates herself to the point that she does that?
How can I stop when I know that every time you do that,
Theres a chance of you not waking up in the morning?
How can I calm down,
How can I not worry,
When you're the one who got me through that,
And I cant get you through it?"
By that point in the conversation,
I was crying so hard that I couldn't breathe.
And then he said,
"Please don't die.
I love you too much.
I'd miss you too much.
I'd go back,
To what you're doing now,
Or I would die too.
So please dont die."

What he said tonight opened my eyes.
Its a scary thought...
What I'm doing,
It doesn't just cause pain to me,
It causes pain to the ones I love,
And it risks losing all of them in the process.