I used to love weddings,
not for party and spectacle,
but for the reason why
a wedding takes place.

The vows,
the purpose,
the words coming
from within.

Those statements
of promise,
of trust,
of love.

The seemed to be so
powerful,
yet easily
forgotten.

Weddings have
lost their meaning,
being lackluster
becoming numbing..

The more weddings
I've gone too,
the less hope I have
for myself.

For marriage
would mean
someone would have
to see me as me.

To love me for who I am
with every flaw
and fault I have.
and find me appealing.

To look beyond
the outside appearance,
which seems to be
the most difficult part.

But even if I did
gain the appearance
wouldn't it disappear
with time?

If I lost weight,
and had a physique,
would she leave me
when I gained it back?

If I became rich
and could offer anything
would she walk out
when I lost it all?

If at the end
of it all,
it was just me,
would she stay?

What is the purpose
of love if what they love
is not who you are?
It is what you are.

What is the point
of wedding vows,
when they aren't
taken seriously.

When an argument
or disagreement can
dismantle a marriage
before it begins.

When marriage gets
rough and suddenly
both sides call it quits
without fighting for it.

Compromise,
sacrifice,
unconditional,
mean nothing.

How can I hope for this,
for myself,
when I can't find
unconditional love.

A love that is needed,
a love I long for,
because there is no way
I can marry without it.