***** this false illusion of hope
**** the promise I made
cause you may not realize it... but I'm back
in the middle of the street laying down
drowning the conspires out with the loudest music I own
but even that won't do....
my mind buzzing with lies
my chest literally hurting from the stress and adrenalin
gasping for air that seems to have dispersed away with you


I'm losing grip
losing focus
cause tears that should be fuzzing my vision are once again aren't.
I can't keep our promise..
You kiss my scares in the aftermath and assume like
it's still not going on.....
but even you now don't notice...
you can't look past my kiss...
the falsehood I wear with my smile.
The fact I can't ******* read or write anything properly with out a check
The fact that this poetry is ****
The fact that this place is no longer a sanctuary for me.


I took six-teen pebbles out
I'm purging
the chest pain stops
the buzzing subsides
the music I stop....
but then the car horn wakes me from the daze


and I realize....tonight was a bad idea
it exposed my small light world of fire'
and her blissful one of blood
I took you to my second safe zone
but I don't trust you now....
what to do, what to say
is this a price I wanna pay ?
questioning every word you say
...even the things of beauty...that made me fall at first anyway
NO
yes?

This is my goodbye to this account.....
see you in another life ?
or maybe on a especially good day if I see one again.
winter is here.