I remember the darkness...
the complete emptiness in my black soul...
the disregard for my own life,
the dream of overcoming, and being victorious,
but dreaming that the only victory was in the defeat...
I remember this now,

I remember the tyranny of self
being bored into the threads of my existence...
where my own psych turned against me.
After years of comrade , it gave up
and turned into self-destruct mode...

but then I saw the light.
it had to be swallowed or injected...
but afterwards I remember feeling the warmth returning to my veins...

some people breathe through tubes....
some eat through straws...
I had to receive my happiness in the form of a pill.
had to feel its bitter sting being injected into my ***...

and now after several months of enjoying the light...
I made the shocking discovery, that
with the light...
comes shadows...

and they are calling me towards them.
growing darker.
growing larger.

and I... find myself slowly slipping into their gripping charm
like a refugee in regression...
returning to his country,
to empty promises...
...
to darkness ...
that ends more than just the day...
to sleep...
that stays for more than just the night