how can I search for something that has never existed like not watering a flower and yet be surprised when it's wilted I miss things I've never really had or had them so momentarily I shouldn't miss them this bad I'm just a kid lost on a path where I'm trying to look back into the past not realizing stupidly that it's already passed the worst feeling in the world is to have entrusted another life to bring you to life but in their life they left you with strife the survival instinct to keep yourself alive breaking the drowning waters with heavy strides and yet always being in the same place because although you got stronger you didn't save face see you never really healed from the things that didn't appeal to your better liking left you open and vulnerable easier for the misery striking I don't even know if I'm making sense this over powering sadness in my heart has made me lose even my mental strength left open blood seeping but it's falling dense the heaviness of never really have gotten anywhere holding my breath in suspense I always feel like I've reached the end to find out I still had years of **** to mend within myself within my heart within my mind can't tell the two apart not right now anyway they're both swaying the same way my heart it beating with the pitter patter spilling over splatter of things that have been shattered into the conscious side of the things only the heart can break open your subconscious but almost never when you're actually Conscious that's why dreamed are Blamed for the unnatural things that leave you in disdain the subconscious part hold things at rains but not now man not in this rain see the outpouring of my sadness has left me drained and it's all spilling out in the open played piece my piece on moving frames the feeling zippin past me like traffic lanes I'll never be the same the realization of what I really am came and it's done for me I'm done for leave me here on the floor I owe nothing to anyone nobody owes anything to me and in all of that it includes saving me let my die in peace man.... R.i.p