There is a war inside of me.

I love you. I love you for making me see all of the beautiful things in life. Your smile never failed to shine into my soul, and your laugh filled the dark spaces in the back of my mind. When I was with you, I would laugh so hard my ribs would ache. When I was with you, I felt like I was home. I felt like a finally had a place. Thank you for that.

But then again, I hate you. I hate you so much. I hate you for leaving me. You were my best friend and my lover and when I lost you, I lost everything. When something reminds me of you, a wave of nostalgia rolls over me so hard I have to stop and blink back the tears. Without you, I was suddenly lost in this world. And I still am. And I always will be. You carry my heart with you. And don't they say 'home is where the heart is'?

( l.b )