(tw: self harm)

excruciating pain,
drowning sadness,
overpowering happiness,
elated disposition

i am but indifferent to these
much rather
i cannot feel

every nerve in me
refuses to let me feel
my own skin refuses to
be drunk with warmth,
my muscles stiff,
and a smile
which refuses to brush my features

so i use force
i cut and i cut
i linger the blade inside the wound
that way more blood comes out

did you know a wound gets harder to close
when you twist the blade?

oh, dear dear
i need to find knives,
none sharp, none too large,
paint my skin
with my blood
allow the blood to drip
allow my trembling figure
to be accustomed
to the pain
the pain that wont end
the pain that takes away the numbness

i can feel at last
i can feel the blade against my skin
and i can see the blood dripping down the bathroom floor

what a mess, what a mess.