Words still ring in my head
*****
What do you want
*****...*****...*****...******...*****...
dead line

So many threats
Don't go into her work
Don't see her at school, and don't ******* talk to her
Stay the **** away from my daughter
*****

Went to see a concert
Walked past her
Had to ignore her
To avoid jail time
When I would have loved to ...nevermind

Walked out
Into the parking lot
Half way there
I'm tackled with such a loving hug
From behind

I am stricken
Words ringing in my head
*****, *****, *****, he called me
It took a minute for me to muster
The courage to say a word to her

I turn around and speak
With such pain in my voice
She tried to calm my fears
She tried to cheer me up but
I just wouldn't budge

Little would I know
It would be the last time
She would ever want
To hug me from behind ...like
Like that ever again

As I sit alone every night, I jump, in surprise,
I'm still surrounded in warmth
As I'm forced to relive this ****,
Her last good surprise to me,
That memory forever

I get these flashbacks,
Like a VHS tape...play, rewind,
Pause, fast forward, but no stop... I still... I still...
I feel her wrap her arms around me
Over and over and over and over

I don't ******* know
How I'll ever get better
When the only thing that
Makes me feel any better
Is the same thing that hurts me

I've speculated upon
Destroying these tapes
Or at least destroying the player
But I can't push myself,
Because suicide is not...

Suicide
Is not the way out
And I don't know what is
But there's a long life ahead
Maybe I'll figure it out