why i did it.
why i went and saw him.
everyone asked me,
pleaded with me,
******* screamed at me to not go see him.
but there was something in me.
something that needed to.
something that was not leaving me alone.
and wasn't going to,
until i gave it what it wanted.
so i went there.
i sat on his couch.
i don't know why i did.
maybe i needed to prove something to myself.
that it wasn't love.
that it isn't lust.
that it can't be hatred.
i don't know.
                                                         maybe i just needed to show him.
                                                         that i am okay now.
                                                         that he made the mistake.
                                                        ­ that when he lost me,
                                                         he lost everything.
it's such ******* though,
i'm a ******* disaster.
i didn't let him see that though.
i was strong.
it was kinda nice, for a while.
like old times.
and then i was reminded why it's been so long.
because he ruined me.
he tried to hold me.
i almost puked.
                         so i yelled at him to leave me alone.
he told me i'm beautiful.
he said he loves me,
he misses me,
it's so nice to see me.
what comes next is the best part.
he had the audacity...
he opened his mouth,
and what does he ******* say?
he says,
i'm so sorry i ***** you.
it is my biggest regret.
                                                       ­   like what the **** is that.
                                                          t­hat's going to help?
                                                          l­ike i need some magical healing?
                                                        ­  like you can ******* apologize, and everything is ******* okay?
i didn't look at him again.
i put on my boots.
and my coat.
i grabbed my keys.
and i walked out the door.

lol because really?
i'm sorry i ***** you?
burn in hell, *******.