as i lie awake
i think about how stupid it is
that the only things that connect me to you
are inanimate

handheld devices can only bring me so far
i want to lie beside you and
touch the creases on your face
as you tell me about how you regret
taking up a habit of smoking

i want to fill your mouth with my breath
and wash away your intoxication
and the heaviness that comes with drinking

i want to put my fingers between yours
and fill you with kinder words
than you could ever find for yourself
and tell you that regret is an ocean
and it will swallow you
if you aren’t careful

.

.

.

but phones can only bring me so far
i find myself staring at a dress
i once wore
and how you said i had looked beautiful
even though you couldn’t see for yourself

and i find myself
reciting my day
like my voice could reach across the ocean
and pull you home

sometimes, i think it’s nostalgia
other times it might be regret

two years is
a pretty long time
and i long to be beside you
to make you feel loved
in case you can’t remember it yourself

but i will have to make do
with conversations at six in the morning
knowing that you will stay awake
throughout the night
and i will stare at the black screen pleading that
with every silent passing moment
your heart will still be beating