My heart pounds whenever I hear of your future arrivals
My stomach drops and fear sets in
My hopes climb above the charts hoping you won't be angry
Hoping this visit will be shorter than the last
My words  can't seem to catch up with my mind  
I have become week
The rides back home never build any excitement
Each day we pray nothing will arise to get you angry
Each day we pray the food is perfect so you don't spit it in mom's face
Each day we pray mom won't upset you in some way
I have become familiar with fear
It arises before you are here, when you are here, and the thoughts of how you would react if were present
Through all the years of pain and abuse
I still call you my father
I still love you when all you bring me is fear