There are so many feelings I cannot pen into words, but if there is anything I can say that you might understand, it would be that I love you. I love you and miss you and hate you and detest you all at once, with the intensity of a hurricane and thunderstorm, the sun's rays and it's burning flames.

You find me again, in the darkest hours of the morning devoid of light but I can only grasp at empty air, fingers clutching uselessly into the wisps of memory and smoke. The past is a fog that blurs out anything else and you are the cigarette that stays alight; a drug, a numbing sensation that consumes everything I am.

As real as it seems, you're only in my dreams.

(A.H.Z)