This morning you opened a door for me
And asked me rather sweetly how I was
And I stared at my face reflected above your shoulder
And scanned it for emotion
Before nodding and saying fine.
You walked away to some masculine class
Where you lifted weights and complained about errant girlfriends
While I went to the restroom
Locked myself in a stall
And puked.
I suppose your dad made excuses before you could
I bet he assured you that it wouldn’t affect whatever sports you did at the time
I bet he thought about slipping a crisp bill in an envelope
And setting it on the superintendent's desk.
And I know you joked to your cocky little friends
That the ***** took everything too seriously
Because after all
You were only joking
Right?
The superintendent looked over glasses and pink slips of paper
And assured me that he knew your parents
And in fact your father had given him a root canal the day before
And he was very sure this was all some misunderstanding
And it would be resolved quickly and quietly.
I had to steel myself
I expected it
Waited for it
And there it was.
You probably just liked me.
That was the problem
You were so very confused
And ever-so-innocent
And a student who brought so much good publicity
Couldn’t possibly be a detriment
Could he?
It was just like in elementary
Where the bruises on my wrist
Were written away as a love bite
A little sign of devotion
And I should be grateful.
I hear you’re off to a college on the coast
For free
Even though you stole answers off my papers
And glances down my shirt.
I hope you enjoy it
I hope you pretend to care about physics
And I hope the essays you buy are worth the money
And I hope the parties are lively
And the ***** rich.
But when you slip
In the backseat of your Mercedes
Because you liked her too much
Don’t believe what they tell you
I' ll know your guilt
As clearly as the moonlight caught in her watering eyes
And I will make you know it.
Until then
I’ll square my shoulders
Rinse the taste from my mouth
Glare at myself in the fluorescent light
And will the emotion away
One more time.