Making up my distraction as I go along, I say that im ok, but I think we all know that im wrong. Im raging inside my own mind, trying so hard to leave a ****** up road behind. Still desperately wanting to rev it up and drive in reverse all over again. "No!", "no!" I scream back into the shadows; I will not be a slave to YOUR ways. I wont crumble and fall to the feet of anyone that says they care, I wont get ****** up just to feel better, I wont cry over the stupid ****, I wont worry like hell on something I know I cant change. I promise! But...ive broken that promise so many times ive lost track, and that road of the ****** I wander aimlessly, begging and trying so hard to fight my way out. Im so sick of the games, of the hangovers, bad memory and shame. All I ever wanted...was not to end up, insane. But I am...and I will be...and nothing will ever change.