The sweetness hurt the most.
the way you laughed with me
the way we'd stay on the phone for hours
depicting scenes of us
having picnics on warm summer days
playing with our son
the one you swore you'd have with me
you swore a lot of things
but yet, you never swear.
well, you do now, but
you didn't used too. that was sweet.
the sweetness hurt the most.
the way you'd lovingly ask me to hold you
i called you my baby girl, and you called me
every night, so that you could feel safe and warm
throughout our years together, I was your shelter
your safe haven, from the downpour that was his death
the hurricane winds that was another's misplaced love
and the lightning stress of a senior year, and big changes.
I protected you. I kept you safe. I loved you.
You used me.
and when you were done, when the storms had passed
you left my shelter, for one that looked better.
I warned you, my shelter was true and his was not,
I warned you, as sweetly as I could those hard nights
not to do this.
The sweetness hurt the most.
worse even, then when you ignored me
and left my shelter anyways, to go to his.
how did that work out?
you hate him now? he took advantage of you? he wasn't what you thought?
pity, because I tried to warn you,
whispering
"please listen to me, my sweet, i love you"
certainly
the sweetness hurt the most.
and even now, after everything you've told me after you finally
worked up the courage to face what you did
I know in my heart that you still have never felt the pain
even on your worst day,
that I felt on my best day, after you left.
you are somehow blessed with the ability to forget the things
you no longer wish to remember. it's impossible to grow, until you feel the pain of what you've done
and as wrong as you were,
you were right about one thing, I am the strong one.
and my shelter? Now I have someone else to protect, and
there's no room for you. and the songs I used to sing you to sleep with
the ones that I couldn't bare to hear after you left?
I sing them to her now, even more sweetly then I did to you.
the sweetness hurt the most.
but now I'm better, and I've let you go. I bear you no ill will.
I will never forget you, but forgiving you is a long shot too.
I do not hate you, nor even do I dislike you.
Count me not as your enemy, nor as your friend
Perhaps just do what you did before,
and forget to count me at all.
I may even still love you, but never enough to let you back in my shelter. The shelter
that if truth be told, is the strongest one you could have found.
and god help you when the rain comes
because baby, my sweet, sweet girl
the rain will be my tear drops,
the wind will be the loving words i whispered to you,
and the lightning will be hot, flashing images of the future you gave up.
and the sweetness will hurt the most.