12/10/2013

every day
i stare in
the mirror
at the face
before me

and i realize
just how ****
broken i really
am

i move my
fingers
through where
the ghost
of my hair
still stands

it breaks me,
every time
i do it,
it breaks me

i can feel
tears
start to form
under my eyes

this is not me,
i think,
this is not me

but it is

and i cannot
hide from it
any longer

i move my
fingers
to my wrist,
which was
once smooth

now
it's paved
by rail road
tracks

little red
pale
scars
all across

it's a
memory
of the months,
of the *years
spent fighting

fighting for
myself

fighting against
myself

i can not
escape it
any longer

my hair is
no more

my scars
are forever

both metaphorically
and literally

i will always
live with this

always

i must learn
to be okay
with it

to know i
have,
or once might,
move on
from this

for this is
not me

it's an
extension
of me
that i want
so badly
to rid

i cannot
deny it

but slowly,
and surely,
i am
learning to
hide it

© 2013 Scarlet Van Allen