This. This my difficulty I can never show in public. My shame. My family name tarnished on a pause. A stumble. A fumble forwards towards the right answer that won't come tumbling out of me. So I wait. I wait for a crack in the seams; a break in the watch. A moment to breathe where I can escape away from the responsibility of knowing. Knowing what is to others obvious. The poetry of integers, the finger-tips of legacy I may never grasp.