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Learning my Language

by jammyhh

I was loved like someone learning a foreign language late in life— slowly, carefully, with a notebook full of mistakes they kept rewriting every night. At first they only understood simple things: the way my silence meant exhaustion instead of anger, how my laugh changed shape when I was trying not to cry, the small shrug that translated to stay, though my mouth never quite knew how to say it that way. I spoke in histories they had never lived, in grief with different grammar, in childhood stories whose meanings did not survive translation. And they— they answered badly sometimes. Used the wrong tone. Put their hands where apologies should have been. Confused distance for honesty, confused my quiet for an ending instead of a place to sit beside me in silence. But still, they stayed. Stayed through the pauses, through every sentence they could not place, sounding out my sorrow like difficult words they were determined to say correctly someday. Some nights they repeated my name in their head like vocabulary practice, afraid that if they stopped rehearsing they would lose the accent of loving me. And slowly— almost too slowly to notice— they began to understand. Not perfectly. Not fluently. But enough to hear the difference between my anger and my fear, enough to know when my “I’m tired” really meant please stay here. Enough to stop translating everything literally. Because loving me was never fluency. It was effort. It was trying again after misunderstanding. It was returning to the same difficult lines until the meaning finally settled right. It was pointing at constellations with clumsy hands, then learning the shapes by heart. It was saying “I think I understand,” and one day realizing they finally did. Even now, there are parts of me they cannot perfectly translate— whole countries inside my heart where they still get lost sometimes. But now they know the roads a little better. Now they recognize the weather. And maybe love was never meant to sound native. Maybe it is enough that they kept listening after every misunderstanding, that they loved me enough to keep learning the language— until my heart became a place they could finally read with grace.
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Written by
jammyhh
17 / M / Leeds UK
For You?
Written by
jammyhh
17 / M / Leeds UK
Published
2d ago
Time
4m
Tags
#love#understanding#language#deep#relationship
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