has caused a terrible sickness in me
i beg and plead for help but no one hears,
because she left me alone
i scream and cry and grieve for the rest of my life
fighting for an endless reassurance
if i am abandoned i die again
she keeps killing me but no one sees the bodies
no one sees the ghosts
the rooms in my head filled with nightmares
no one sees the shelves i had to bury
the libraries of trauma
the absence of her love has created black holes in me
i fill voids compulsively that can never be filled
i am trying to hold the hands of versions of myself that are children, still crying alone in dark rooms
in pain and aching for a mother
i am trying to at least be there and grieve with them