and i'm back again
back to the sleepless nights
back to the crying into the abyss
back to the cage of my own mind
back to the grief over some unnamed loss
back to the pounding of my heart
back to the sense of imminent doom
back to the overwhelming anxiety
back to the craving of the pain
back to the imagining of freedom
back to the betrayal of my brain
back to the idealization
back to the "i'm fine"
i'll never escape
or at least it feels that way
this is the reason
no one can truly understand people who commit
unless they've been on the edge themselves
because a permanent solution
only seems appealing
when the problem also seems permanent
and right now?
i can't see any future
not defined
by everything i feel
at this moment
because every time
i think i'm done with it
it comes right back
an
inevitable
unending
endless
cycle